My personality test.

Paranoid||||||||||||46%
Schizoid||||||||||||||||62%
Schizotypal||||||||||||||||||||82%
Antisocial||||||||||||50%
Borderline||||||||||||||||||||90%
Histrionic||||||30%
Narcissistic||10%
Avoidant||||||||||||50%
Dependent||||18%
Obsessive-Compulsive||||||||||34%

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness. Core issue is an inability to regulate emotions.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism. Core issue is an inability to resolve their codependent need for connection with their codependent fear of rejection and/or discomfort/anxiety around others.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. Core issue is mental and behavioral rigidity/inflexibility.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others; Preoccupied with disdain/contempt for others and often a need for control/power over others.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world as strange/odd

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings; emotional zombies who stopped feeling due to trauma(s) and/or can’t feel due to organic depression

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening; preoccupied with suspiciousness/paranoia. They are stuck between their need for others and their mistrust of others.

Great I’m a mental case.

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See that smile, how real do you think it is? See that girl that was once there, where is she now?
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Both thighs shredded, both arms cut, hips cut, bruises all over my body from hurting myself. Now tell me I’m not hurting.  

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I want to hurt myself because I don’t want to hurt you. I love you.
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Inflicting pain on yourself feels good, don’t even care what anyone says. It helps.
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Well

Had a shit day so Neff comes home and surprises me with Blood Sugar Sex Magik and Californication cd’s that he had bought for me due to me losing my last ones. That’s love right there.

Follow the wanker, www.captanarchy.tumblr.com
I love him. 

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Today.

Today I met this man, he is my school counsellor. Today in 50 minutes he helped me amazingly. I was high and he was awesome. We spoke about my problems, he has my same music taste, read scar tissue by Anthony Kiedis so we were discussing drugs and how sick they are. Spoke about how shit some students are and teachers. He brightened my day. The rest of the day I stayed in the sick bay bed and slept. Also got my medication. Some people are great.

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How I described my life.

“for me it doesn’t work that way, you try to protect yourself from being hurt, because you have been so much, some more than others, some less than others. going over memories, moving, trying to kill myself, crying every day, not having friends, cheating, cheating myself, inflicting pain on others, making two girls trying to commit suicide, making my dad want to leave, making my little sister hate me for moving her schools, seeing her cry every day for 5 months because of me, making my mum think she failed, people giving up on me, me giving up on myself, pretending it’s okay, imagining death all the time, angry at the world, sad at my own life, insecurities, shutting people out, hurting myself, fighting the battle to deeply cut every day so that i don’t get hospitalized and ruin my parents. walking up to the counsellour at school knowing i am fucked and need help, taking those pills everyday reminding myself i’m not happy, knowing it’s killing people around me, telling my teachers why i mentally cannot do somethings. being miserable, that’s me.

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I just want to be alive.
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